A number of weeks in the past I wrote a column on “Males’s Soiled Little Secrets and techniques” and spilled the beans on the truth that most males do not know a lot about condoms, besides that they seem to be a mood-killer, sensation-duller, and general large pain-in-the-ass. At the moment, I did not elaborate, however judging out of your emails, I piqued various readers’ curiosity. Thus, I’m responding with a brief treatise on “The Correct Care and Feeding of a Prophylactic.”

Earlier than I start, nonetheless, I wish to deal with a number of questions which may understandably be crossing your thoughts, resembling: “Why is he giving directions to ladies on condom utilization? Should not he be giving this information to males? Do not we have now sufficient contraception strategies to be answerable for – cannot guys be accountable for one factor?” All truthful questions, to make sure. However the backside line on this topic is: Regardless of readily-available directions, guys are woefully unaware of their lack of awareness on this enviornment. And if males are ignorant about the way to correctly apply, use, take away and eliminate a condom, ladies are those who’re going to unwittingly pay the value. And with the value being undesirable being pregnant or contraction of a potentially-fatal illness, the necessity so that you can be educated turns into crucial. It will not be your job, but when your man is ill-informed or clueless, you’ll nonetheless need to endure the implications.

The very first thing to learn about condoms is that they weren’t initially developed to cease being pregnant. In reality, once they got here into existence, their mission was to cease the unfold of STDs which had been apparently operating rampant in sure elements of “civilized society.” Their utilization as a contraceptive gadget did not come into play till greater than a century later when scientists lastly found out that offering a barrier to these sneaky, resourceful little spermatozoa bastards may successfully restrict the variety of official and illegitimate offspring who would finally be combating tooth and nail for his or her share of stated sperm producer’s property. And so it was, that this pesky penis protector, then fabricated from animal intestines, discovered its method into the hearts, minds and vaginas of our sexually-active ancestors 칙칙이.

However that is sufficient digression. Let’s speak about fashionable condoms and their utilization. As you already know, when used accurately, at the moment’s latex condoms are touted to be about ninety-seven p.c efficient as a contraceptive gadget and provide probably the greatest defenses in opposition to STDs this aspect of preserving your legs tightly crossed (animal pores and skin condoms, whereas purportedly providing related being pregnant safety and extra sensation to the male, are a much less efficient methodology of stemming the move of organisms that trigger sexually transmitted ailments). So how are these condoms correctly used?

1) All the time verify the expiration date on the condom, one thing guys usually neglect. Whereas typically troublesome to do within the warmth and low-light of passionate encounters, it’s nonetheless very important to the method of efficient utilization. I imply, you would not drink expired milk, and the worst that may trigger is gastro-intestinal misery. Expired condoms could cause infants and dying (a bit dramatic, however nonetheless true).

2) The condom must be placed on earlier than any shut encounters together with your decrease lips. The pre-ejaculate fluid that loiters on the penis tip early on within the erectile course of can comprise sperm and transmittable microbes in case your accomplice is STD-infected. So “no rubbin’ with no rubber.”

3) The penis must be erect earlier than you cloak it in a condom. In case your man optimistically wrapped his manhood earlier than he even picked you up for dinner, demand he re-apply a model new one (the outdated one might have been compromised and why take the prospect) when he’s at “full consideration.”

4) Take the brand new, unexpired, condom out of its packaging. Squeeze the tip, to power out any amassed air and create an area for the seminal fluid that can definitely be forthcoming (Do that even when the condom is manufactured with a “receptacle tip,” and particularly if it isn’t). Failure to offer ample room for the approaching geyser, considerably will increase the probability of condom breakage. That spurt of “manseed” has to go someplace, in any case. And if a correct “holding space” hasn’t been created, the expelled semen may very well bust by way of the latex, making a large number, each actually and figuratively.

5) Subsequent, easy the condom all the best way down the penis. The condom is sort of a home-owner’s insurance coverage coverage, and also you’re searching for full protection. Why? As a result of when you get to bumpin’ and grindin’ you wish to make it possible for sucker is firmly anchored in place, and the extra grip-able floor, the higher.

6) Now to the matter of lubrication. These of you who’ve learn my guide, “Each Man Sees You Bare,” already know what a lubrication advocate I’m. And plentiful lubrication when utilizing a condom is totally important. I’m not speaking in regards to the heat, natural fluid that naturally moistens your vagina and signifies arousal and penetration-preparedness. I’m speaking in regards to the form of lubricant you buy with delicate discomfort at Walgreens, all of the whereas hoping you do not run into your boss, your aged aunt, or your pastor. This lubricant ought to be water-soluble, like KY Jelly or Astroglide. Lotions, butter, or petroleum-based merchandise ought to by no means be used with condoms, as their chemical response with latex might compromise the condom’s structural integrity. In different phrases, keep away from these until you wish to get knocked-up or contaminated. Why lubricant? As a result of sexual exercise creates friction and friction can rub you and your condom the mistaken method. And although chances are you’ll solely endure somewhat soreness, an excessive amount of friction can enhance the chance of condom breakage (Hey, perhaps they need to make this stuff out of one thing somewhat extra sturdy – like titanium, maybe). In any case, the extra lubrication, the much less friction. The much less friction, the simpler the condom utilization. And it goes with out saying; the lubricant goes ON THE OUTSIDE of the condom. Lubricate the within, and chances are you’ll later end up on a scavenger hunt of your womb.

7) Now a fast phrase about spermicides. Use of this stealthy sperm murderer can improve the contraceptive effectiveness of the condom. It might be discreetly bought on-line or at your native drug retailer. And a few condoms are even “pre-lubed” with a spermicidal agent…a particular plus. No matter your alternative, in case you’re critical about pushing aside parenthood, a spermicide is an efficient complement to different contraceptive measures.

8) So he correctly placed on his non-expired condom previous to contact together with your non-public elements. He glazed his completely-sheathed erection with the advisable lubricant after which (lastly) insinuated himself inside your hospitable atmosphere. Then you definitely two went at it like rabbits. Now, in case you do not wish to have bunnies in your future, there’s nonetheless yet one more factor he must do. Very quickly after he has had his orgasm, he should grip the condom on the base, close to his testicles, and thoroughly extricate himself from the heat of your loins. In plain English, he ought to cum and go. You see, as quickly as your man ejaculates, he begins to slowly (and typically not-so-slowly) lose his erection. This gradual “shrinkage” causes the condom to suit much less snuggly and permits for the contained seminal fluid to start slithering down his shaft and out the underside of the condom. And in case your man continues to be imbedded in you, all his escaping swimmers might breaststroke their method into your decrease passage, looking out ever vigilantly for a receptive egg to cozy as much as. And you don’t need that to occur, proper? So, gently however firmly, insist he “vacate your premises” (your vagina, not your home) quickly after he is carried out his factor.

9) As soon as he is safely withdrawn, he ought to eliminate his condom within the trash. Recommend to him that he not flush it down the toilet, as it might clog your pipes (and never in a great way). He then ought to wash all remaining remnants of his “love-juice” off his member earlier than rejoining you in bed to revel within the afterglow (nonetheless preserving his penis and your vagina at arm’s size, lest a number of stray however potent drops of his discharge be lurking at his penile tip, able to make their assault in your now unprotected womanhood).

So there it’s. Every thing you and your man have to learn about the way to correctly defend each of you from undesirable being pregnant and the unfold of nasty sicknesses. And though chances are you’ll assume he already is aware of all this, if he makes use of a condom and does not strictly adhere to all the above-mentioned procedures, he actually is placing each of you in danger. However in case you do not feel comfy broaching the topic with him, be at liberty to actually take issues into your individual fingers. You possibly can then flip making use of, “lubing,” and eradicating his condom into a horny, constructive expertise. He’ll possible respect your efforts with out ever realizing that your motivation was his lack of awareness. You protected his ego and your well being. And what might be higher than that?

© 2008 David M. Matthews. All Rights Reserved.